Your tits are I can't wait for
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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