do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
