I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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