doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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