we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
