I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Come share oat with me in your robe
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
