how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
