i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
