just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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