Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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