Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
