I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
