i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
