bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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