I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
