areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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