You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
