it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
