Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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