If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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