Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
