Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
love makes seman taste better
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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