How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
