Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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