I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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