I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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