New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My brain says no but my pants say off.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
