her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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