The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
