I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
