Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina

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(517): View more from Michigan

If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly

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(201): View more from New Jersey

he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad

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(419): View more from Ohio

We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

(419): View more from Ohio

And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

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(516): View more from New York

Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.

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(716): View more from New York

just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.

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