You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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