I heard we made out
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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