i need an iv and a liver transplant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
