I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
