bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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