I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
