Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
