I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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