Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
