There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
