I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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