im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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