I puked a lego.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
