You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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