we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
