And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
