Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
