I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
