Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
