i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
